Sun Shadow
by marakparker
Summary: BD spoiler. the first part of the first chapter is Stephanie Myers As Bella and Edward make way for the birth of their first child,a drastic icy turn leaves Bella seeing the world with a new set of mind- and new ideas about love, life, and who she is.
1. Chapter 1

(Don't freak- I used the part of a chapter from Breaking Dawn to start it off and rewrite the story differently. Everything previous to this chapter (chapter. 19- Burning, everything previous to page 371 has happened in my story) sorry for those who haven't read BD, hopefully you might get it- obviously, Spoiler alert for BD)

Black spots covered the light in the room as a cold point of new pain stabbed icily into my stomach

Black spots covered the light in the room as a cold point of new pain stabbed icily into my stomach. It felt wrong- I struggled automatically to protect my womb, my baby, my little Edward Jacob, but I was weak. My lungs ached, oxygen burned away.

The pain faded away again, though I clung to it now. My baby, my baby, dying….

How much time had passed? Seconds or minutes? The pain was gone. Numb. I couldn't feel. I couldn't see, either, but I could hear. There was air in my lungs again, scraping in rough bubbles up and down my throat.

"You stay with me now, Bella! Do you hear me? Stay! You are not leaving me. Keep your heart beating!"

Jacob? Jacob, still here, still trying to save me.

Of course, I wanted to tell him. Of course I could keep my heart beating. Hadn't I promised them both?

I tried to feel my heart, to find it, but I was so lost inside my own body. I couldn't feel the things I should, and nothing felt in the right place. I blinked and I found my eyes. I could see the light. Not what I was looking for, but better than nothing.

As my eyes struggled to adjust, I realized no one was speaking. Was I alone?

"Bella," Edward whispered.

My eyes focused as he spoke- narrowing in on his face as the dancing light played across the icy planes of his cheekbones. He looked almost bad, I realized, splattered in blood- my blood?- the bruise-like circles beneath his unreadable eyes deep.

I forced the fire burning in my throat to clear way for my battered voice. "What is it?" I twisted my head to look at Jacob, ignoring the spots in my vision. "Where…" I coughed, "Where is he?"

Jacob didn't look at me. I felt genuine fear shoot through my veins like shards of glass. "Edward," I whispered, "What happened?"

My little nudger, my baby- I felt my stomach drop as I realized there was no familiar sound of a crying newborn, no sound of the new voice I'd been waiting hear.

"We lost her, Bella." He spoke slowly, eyes trained on my face cautiously.

Her? I blinked. "Lost who?"

Edward's voice was soft, careful, as he replied, "Bella, we lost the baby. Renesmee." His golden eyes searched mine, concerned, and ancient in their golden depths.

Her. Renesmee- a girl. I'd been wrong all along. His words slowly sank in, and I closed my eyes.

Gone.

A gasp- a choking, strangled sound- erupted from my lips. My tiny baby- carried through hell to get here- lost. I threw my hand over my eyes, the tears flowing freely now. The sobbing continued to rip spastically from my chest, shaking my body against the bed beneath me.

The blackness of exaughstion threatened, pushing me down with unbearable weight. I didn't let it take me- fighting against it desperately as I cried, unable to let go of conciousness and the pain I felt as I deserved.

I felt something icy brush my forearms- and I flinched away, burying my face in the pillow.

"Bella, we had to take extra measures to ensure your safety-" Edward's voice was helpless, "There was nothing more we could do without losing _you_."

My voice, broken and rasping, escaped from my ragged intake of breath forcibly. "Just go."

I felt him stiffen. A short silence followed, before I felt his presence slip away. Deep down, a small, snapped section of me whispered in her muted voice for him to come back. But I pushed it away, burrowing deeper into my miserable self until the sorrow roared through me, plunging through my limp, rubber limbs like millions of needles.

And then, there was warmth, pulling me together despite my wish to just come apart. I felt hot breath in my ear, "Bella," Jacob's voice was low, husky, "Honey, it'll be okay."

I sobbed again, and I felt the bed drop from beneath me. I opened my eyes slowly, tears dripping from my face- splashing to the floor. His arms tightened around me, and I, unable to fight, let myself settle. "Jake- I'm sorry-" I choked- "You don't have to stay. You can…" My abused throat protested, "Leave."

"Bella- you may be able to push that bloodsucker out of here, but I'm not going anywhere." He sat back on the bed, cradling me.

Just like the last time, I could hold myself better together when he was there. I just let myself cry.


	2. Friendly Advice

When I woke up, I really was alone. I slowly rose, commanding my wobbling legs not to give out. I took a step- and the bed was beneath me again, my ankles throbbing painfully. I sighed, closing my eyes in defeat.

"I don't know," A voice said, muffled softly from behind the wall. But I would recognize the velvet folds of his voice anywhere. Edward.

I froze.

"She'll be okay," I heard the low, intense voice of my werewolf companion, and my heart twisted wrenchingly as I recalled the reason he had told me the same thing. "She's tough."

Edward's exquisite voice hesitated, "I've never seen Bella like this," He confessed softly, the wall nearly stopping the words from reaching me. As silently as possible, I crept forward, pressing my ear to the cold, white surface. "She latched on to this thing- you saw that. She was ready," He stopped shortly, taking a sharp breath, "To give her life for it."

It? Anger washed over me with a new intensity I'd never felt. _Her._

"But I _have_ seen Bella like this," Jacob replied quietly. "When you…" He trailed off suggestively, letting it hang in the air on purpose.

Edward's voice filled in liquidly, acid marring his tone, "When I left."

There was an uncomfortable silence, and I heard someone shift.

"Yeah," Jacob agreed slowly. "But she was living through it- I helped her. She just," He paused, "Needs somebody around who can keep her together."

I closed my eyes. I _did_ live through it. Barely.

"I don't know how," Edward's voice said brokenly.

"I can't believe you, in all your smug superiority, are admitting you need my advice," Jacob said, clearly enjoying the thought.

Edward sighed again. "If that's too much for you-"

"Not to say I won't give it," Jacob interrupted easily, "Just that it's sort of fun to think about."

I could practically see Edward's eyes rolling.

"To start," Jake continued, hesitating, "Just stay with her a lot- when you see she's in pain, just hold her and just try to get her mind off of it…Bella is pretty self-destructive, so you have to make sure she doesn't hurt herself too much. I don't mean that physically- though, hey, she did try to jump off a cliff."

I couldn't guess now what Edward's face could look like now. I closed my eyes, listening for his response with an aching feeling deep in my ribs.

"It sounds," Edward said slowly, "Like you're better suited with this than I am."

"Hell yes," Jacob agreed, "But I think she needs _you_ this time." He sighed. "Not that it's easy to admit."


End file.
